Tell All - Part 2

It's gutting ... realising there is a last time for everything.

And I don't mean because of death, that sh!t is final final, I'm talking about the last time we do certain things with the people we love. Or the last time they let us!

Let me explain why I'm talking about this.

We have always been a house of hugs, 12 to 16 hugs ... or more ... a day. From my boy was the tiniest little squidge, right up to last year, and now we're a maybe one hug a day house, if I'm lucky.

This was so good for my boy because it gave him the most incredibly solid securely attached grounding from which he could grow massively.

And great for my son because he needs to do his thing the way he wants to, and I have always taught him that his voice is valid and he can say what he wants and doesn't want, but not so great for me who feels the genuine bereavement and loss of that deeply connecting physical contact.

Did you know that 12 hugs a day helps you grow emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically ... well ... I did! And back in the day of all those hugs ... I had so much overflow to go around. I was the resident hugger everywhere I went because people wanted to come get some. My hugs are legendary. But now ... now I'm the one craving and it is the weirdest feeling because I don't just want some random hugs ... I want hugs that mean something from someone that means something. Ya know?

I didn't know that last year was going to be the last time I got 12 hugs a day from my son, nor did I know the outcome and feelings I would experience because of that.

If you're not a hugger and don't get the importance of physical touch, this share won't make sense to you.

So here's another; I didn't know the last time my boy would snuggle into me on the sofa, or in bed watching a movie, would be the last time.

I didn't know the last time my boy let me cut his hair ( which I've been doing for years and it always feels like an honour when he asks me to do it ), would be the last time.

I didn't know the last time my son would need help with his school stuff, would be the last time.

I didn't know the last time my boy would need me to do his first aid when he hurt himself, would be the last time.

And the thing is ... all these things aren't bad things, they are all part of growth, all part of his independence, and I am so damn proud of him and who he is, and I feel all that at the same time as realising ... I didn't know those were the last times.

I would have given them more reverence if I'd only known. And isn't that the interesting point!

We can't know.

No one knows when the last time for something will be so ... giving every moment in life the reverence it deserves is KEY.

Thats what I do now.

When he comes into my room and lies on my bed to talk about whatever it is he wants to talk about, I remember this feeling of how it feels when a last moment happens, and realising after the fact, and I am all in.

And the thing is ... I always was all in, I always am, presence is a huge thing in our home, but now ... now its different. Its more.

Now ... every moment is revered as if it might be the last.

Before ... I was present and connected to whatever he needed.

Now I'm present and connected and in total reverence of the moment as it stands.

His needs.

My needs.

All taken into consideration, and the fullness of it all witnessed.

And I know nothing is meant to last forever.

And I know everything changes.

And I know when something leaves it makes space for something to arrive.

And I know things are fleeting.

All I have to do is look outside at my stunningly beautiful pink wild roses that bloom in the morning and then are ripped from their core by the evening, to see the fragility of life in general.

So knowing all of that, and being someone who is here for every lesson life has for me, I have embraced all of this as exactly that ... a lesson.

Live fully

Love fully

Hug fully

Communicate fully

Listen fully

Hear fully

Serve fully

Care fully

Give fully

Be fully

Pay attention to every moment as if it were the last.

Because it might be.

Xoxo

Ciara

P.s ... now that you think about it ... what last times have happened that took you by surprise?

Mine all centre around my son because he has been my world for almost 18 years. Thats a very long time of firsts and lasts, with lots more to go no doubt.

Click here - Here I am ...